I hired a new employee!!

That's the goblet of fire in his right hand...

UFC Buffalo Meat

Fundraising, fundraising, fundrasing. It seems like the only people who are making money these days are the ones are providing the basic needs of the people. Food. Sex. Clothes.



Look, we've got to invest in one of the three. Food is definitely overrated. It's not like its crucial to survival, or brightens the soul in the darkest of times. With the exception of buffalo meat...oh goodness gracious. Let's take a looksie:














Here we have two different types of the scrumptious delectabilities known as buffalo. They hail from the same area, and are almost indistinguishable. However, the latter has reported to cause much more violence. Notice the ample meat around the cheek and neck area.


Now that your palinate is wet, we are going to propose our proposition. Report our reportation. Food is definitely out of the question, due to an unfair bias. Clothes are stupid. And warm. So that leaves sex.

Unfortunately, we are in a bit of a bind here. We just picked up a client located in a penitentiary (whatever that is) by the name of Mr. Spitzer (his first name rhymes with Elliot). He has expressed his concern not to invest in the selling of...well, uh, you know. Plus, it might be illegal in all 50 states, and perhaps Guam.

But we will not back down! We are currently beginning an operation in a revolutionary new sport called UFC. It involves two people fighting to the death in an enclosed box. It just so happens that is a regular occurence in our offices. So...why not make money off it? All current employees not on severance will immediately be deported to UFC, where we they will be sold and then fought to the death to the viewing pleasure of the American public.

Genius?!

The Wall Street 'ession Yo.

Oh. My. Goodness. It's been two years, and Danno Industies has not made a single update to the website. Not that this is shocking, but I digress.

We have become victims of the 'ession. Not the recession, depression, or lack of cession. Just the 'ession.

The Industry was the meatball at the top of the spaghetti. Someone dropped the plate, and we were the first to slide off. Now we're laying patiently on the ground, waiting for that one special someone to come along and help pick us up.

Unfortunately, there is no five-second rule. Heck, we didn't want to get picked up off the ground and get put back on the plate by that shady waiter! Who likes those guys, anyway! Always treating you nice in order to get that extra tip, checking back on you, even going so far to get an extra salad dressing you really didn't order but just want to store in your refrigerator. Eck!

Eww.

Instead, in the best interest of our customers, we went bankrupt(and thus slipped off the famed Fortune 5000 list). Wah.

Due to a generous grant from the CEO's maternal advisor, Danno Industries has moved its headquarters from Rockefeller center to a more residential, peaceful, basement-esque area. We will continue to provide updates on this most unfortunate situation.